Parenting Humor: 25 Reasons My Threenager is Having a Meltdown

25 Reasons My Threenager is Having a Meltdown from Playground Parkbench

Article: The Decline of Play and Mental Health Disorders

http://www.celebratetherhythmoflife.com/2014/06/the-decline-of-play-and-mental-health.html

From Celebrate the Rhythm of Life:

The Decline of Play and Mental Health Disorders
We all know deep within our very being.

 Children need to play. Play supports life. Play is crucial to healthy development. Play is the foundation for learning. Play is the wellspring of life.

Those of us who are old enough to have experienced play in childhood, as described by the speaker below, have a living picture, a living experience of what it means to play, to take risks, to resolve problems, to be free and to feel competent.

Yet we, as a culture, have reached a critical point in that the generation of new parents of today most likely did not experience play in childhood, at least not with the freedom and not to the extent described in this talk.

This need for play is universal. All children need play and without it, they suffer.

My reader, I encourage you to give up 16 minutes in your day to watch this TED X talk by researcher and professor Peter Gray who explores what it means when children do not grow up with the freedom to play.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bg-GEzM7iTk

Oh, I thank you Mr. Peter Gray for so eloquently naming the problem and suggesting solutions.

I'll add to his suggestions that we seek out neighbors, parents, grandparents, older people in our communities and ask them about their memories of childhood...
How did they play?
Where did they play?
What risks were they able to take?
How did it shape who they are?
What can each of us do to support play for all children?

Carrie Dendtler, over at the Parenting Passageway speaks to the need for time out of doors in childhood with the movement towards  Forest, Farm and Field programs here. Can you imagine what it might look like if all the social, political, and financial energy put into pre-k programs in this country were turned towards supporting free, child initiated play as the most important element of a healthy childhood?

Article: In Pitching Veggies to Kids, Less Is More

http://www.nytimes.com/2014/06/08/business/in-pitching-veggies-to-kids-less-is-more.html?_r=2
By MATT RICHTEL

This was an interesting read. The conclusion, "Let children make their own decision, with a major caveat: Choose what food to put in front of them. Don’t pitch, but also: “Don’t let them do the shopping" is very much aligned with our approach toward food at Kinder Beginnings.

_________________________________________

Full article:

One of the fiercest marketing battles in the world takes place in kitchens and at dining room tables across the world. The sellers are parents, trying everything to persuade their children to eat their vegetables.

Now, new research shows why parents — and food marketers — might be doing themselves no favors. The problem is the pitch: It is too aggressive, even at its most well-meaning and heartfelt. The best way to pitch food to children, the research finds, is to present it with no marketing message whatsoever.

Don’t tell them it’s healthy or it will make them smart or strong. Telling them it’s yummy is O.K., but even that message doesn’t seem to help the cause. “You just need to give them the food. You mess them up by giving all kinds of messages,” said the paper’s co-author, Ayelet Fishbach, a professor of behavioral science and marketing at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. When giving food to children, “nothing helps beyond no message whatsoever.”

The findings, to be published in October in Journal of Consumer Research, offer insight not only into children’s decision-making around food, but also, more broadly, into the powerful and counterintuitive ways that overzealous marketing can misfire — with adults and children alike.

The idea for the study came from Michal Maimaran, a visiting assistant marketing professor at the Kellogg School of Management at Northwestern and co-author of the paper. She wondered why her tactics could backfire when she tried to sell healthy food to her children, ages 7, 4 and 2.

To be scientific about it, the two scholars devised a series of experiments that they ran with the cooperation of a Y.M.C.A. outside Chicago. In the first experiment, children ages 4 and 5 were read a story about a little girl named Tara who ate some Wheat Thins before she went out to play.

But not all the children heard the same story. In one version, Tara ate the Wheat Thins and “felt strong and healthy.” The children who heard this version were reminded that the crackers are good for their health. Another group of children heard that “Tara thought the crackers were yummy, and she was happy.” A third group heard that Tara ate Wheat Thins but without any description of whether the crackers were healthy or yummy.

Then each child got a moment alone to snack from a bowl of Wheat Thins. The number of crackers the children ate varied sharply depending on which version of the story they heard.

If children heard that Wheat Thins were healthy, they ate, on average, three crackers. If they heard that the crackers were yummy, they ate 7.2.

But most noteworthy, the researchers said, was the choice made by children who got no information at all about the character of Wheat Thins: They ate nine. In subsequent studies, the researchers discovered the same phenomenon in younger children, and with carrots.

Why was no message the best message? One possible explanation has to do with the “dilution effect” — the watering down of a marketing message that makes too many claims.

For instance, a video game system that is marketed as a movie player/video game console/Internet device might fare less well among consumers than if it is pitched as an “entertainment system.” Too many claims devalue each one.

Similarly, the researchers hypothesize, if children think food is good for them, it can’t also taste good.

So what to do? Let children make their own decision with a major caveat: Choose what food to put in front of them. Don’t pitch, but also: “Don’t let them do the shopping,” Professor Fishbach said.

Article: Why It’s Imperative to Teach Empathy to Boys

http://blogs.kqed.org/mindshift/2014/06/why-its-imperative-to-teach-empathy-to-boys/

By Gayle Allen and Deborah Farmer Kris

Some of my favorite points from the article:

• Empathy, “an understanding that other people have feelings, and that those feelings count,” is a learned behavior. For boys, as for girls, that learning begins in infancy.

• It’s clear we need to cultivate empathy in all children, but gender stereotypes — often reinforced in playrooms — risk leaving boys, in particular, with a social deficit.

• Given all the benefits associated with empathy for success in life and work, it seems like now, more than ever, we need to mind the gap.

-------------------------------------------------

Full article:

When searching for toys for their kids at chain toy stores, parents typically encounter the following scenario: toy aisles are color-coded pink and blue. They shouldn’t bother looking for LEGOS, blocks, and trucks in the pink aisle, and they certainly won’t find baby dolls in the blue aisle.

While parents, researchers, and educators decry the lack of STEM toys for girls — and rightly so — what often goes unnoticed is that assigning genders to toys harms boys, as well. Too often children’s playrooms reinforce gender stereotypes that put boys at risk of failing to gain skills critical for success in life and work. The most important of these? Empathy.

Meg Bear, Group Vice President of Oracle’s Social Cloud, calls empathy “the critical 21st century skill.” She believes it’s the “difference between good and great” when it comes to personal and professional success. Researchers at Greater Good Science Center out of the University of California, Berkeley, echo Bear’s assertion. They define empathy as “the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.

Why is empathy important? First, empathy breeds courage. In a recent study of nearly 900 youth, ages 11-13, Nicola Abbott and Lindsey Cameron’s, psychology researchers at University of Kent, found that participants with higher levels of empathy were more likely to engage in “assertive bystander behavior.” In other words, they were willing to stand up to a bully on behalf of someone outside their peer group. This kind of courage can be life changing for a victim of bullying and prevent the damaging effects of social isolation and exclusion that often lead to anxiety and depression.

It’s clear we need to cultivate empathy in all children, but gender stereotypes — often reinforced in playrooms — risk leaving boys, in particular, with a social deficit.
Empathy also yields happiness. People with empathy have stronger interpersonal connections and are more eager to collaborate, effectively negotiate, demonstrate compassion, and offer support. They’re team players, and employers recognize this. So important has this skill become that a research team in England, after engaging in a six-month review of its schools, submitted a report that placed empathy in the top three of important outcomes for its students. Similarly, employers, when asked to compile a list of the “20 People Skills You Need to Succeed at Work,” placed it fifth.

Empathy drives thoughtful problem solving. Empathic problem solvers put themselves in others’ shoes in a way that allows them to design life-saving baby warmers, easily collapsible baby strollers, and energy-saving car sharing services. In addition, they’re often willing to work with others to solve persistent and, at times, larger problems. Rather than hoarding their knowledge and expertise, they open themselves up to what Greg Satell calls cognitive collaboration, in order to serve patients, clients, students, and even their respective fields, more effectively.

It’s clear we need to cultivate empathy in all children, but gender stereotypes — often reinforced in playrooms — risk leaving boys, in particular, with a social deficit.

What Parents Can Do

Play with dolls. Parents will find that boys can be  just as interested as girls in playing with dolls. Just watch little boys when they interact with an infant: they want to pat the baby’s head and see the little toes, and their faces show distress when that baby starts to cry. Recognizing the importance of young children’s interactions with babies for building social skills, organizations like Roots of Empathy do just that. They bring babies into elementary school classrooms as part of their empathy building, evidence-based programs. Don’t have a baby at hand? Dolls allow young children to simulate dressing, feeding, calming and caring for babies – particularly if adults participate and model this care. For parents of boys, it’s worth a trip to the pink aisles to find one.

Pretend play helps children self-regulate, develop a strong “theory of mind,” and integrate positive and negative emotions. When kids adopt different personas, they face dilemmas and solve problems “in character” – in essence, they’re taking empathy for a test drive. Play researcher Dorothy Singer, Senior Researcher at Yale University’s School of Medicine, contends that make believe helps children “be anyone they wish.” Through it, they “learn how to cope with feelings, how to bring the large, confusing world into a small, manageable size; and how to become socially adept as they share, take turns and cooperate with each other.” Parents can expand boy’s empathic skills through pretend play by blurring the traditional pink-blue boundary lines. Toy kitchens should co-exist with trucks, doll houses with action figures.

Read together. Researchers have shown that reading fiction promotes empathy. Children’s book author and illustrator, Anne Dewdney, echoes that finding when she argues that, “When we open a book, and share our voice and imagination with a child, that child learns to see the world through someone else’s eyes.” Sadly, studies reveal that parents in the U.S., Canada, and Great Britain spend less time reading and telling stories to their sons than to their daughters. In fact, in as early as nine months, researchers found a gender gap in literary activities. To address this, turn to picture books as empathy primers. Together parents and boys can look at a character’s body language and facial expressions and then identify corresponding emotions. Parents can pause while reading to ask: How do you think that make her feel? How would that make you feel? What would help him feel better?

Empathy, “an understanding that other people have feelings, and that those feelings count,” is a learned behavior. For boys, as for girls, that learning begins in infancy. As University of Wisconsin’s Carolyn Zahn-Waxler aptly notes, “There is no gene for empathy.” Parents play a key role in nurturing empathy, from explaining others’ feelings to encouraging prosocial behaviors with friends and siblings. Playroom toys and forms of play are equally important. Given all the benefits associated with empathy for success in life and work, it seems like now, more than ever, we need to mind the gap.

Gayle Allen spent nearly two decades as a teacher, school leader, and founder of two professional development institutes. She holds an Ed.D. from Teachers College, Columbia University, where she focused her research on teacher learning. Gayle currently serves on the advisory board for BioBuilder Educational Foundation. She blogs at Connecting the Thoughts and tweets @GAllenTC.

Deborah Farmer Kris has taught elementary, middle, and high school and served as a charter school administrator. She spent a decade as an associate at Boston University’s Center for the Advancement of Ethics and Character researching, writing, and consulting with schools. She is the mother of two young children.

Article: dear sweet mom who feels like she is failing.

This is a wonderful reminder for all parents of young children:

http://findingjoy.net/dear-sweet-mom-who-feels-like-she-is/ 
BY RACHEL MARIE MARTIN


dear sweet mom who feels like she is failing.

You’re not.

If you and I were sitting in Starbucks and you had your fave drink and I had my Caramel Macchiato I’d look at you, and I’d tell you the truth – you’re not failing.

I know. I’m guessing, you’d wipe away the tears, and look up, and try to nod your head, but inside, inside well, you’d think that those are nice words but seriously she has no idea. You know why I know? Because I’ve sat in a coffee shop, across from a friend, a friend who looked me smack in the face and told me that I wasn’t failing and that I was doing a great job.

I wanted to tell her about the dishes from yesterday sitting on my counter. And how the pile of storybooks wasn’t read again. And that I’m a week behind in laundry. And that I got really really irritated at the mixture of 13 toys all dumped in a pile that two days ago was sorted into 13 labeled boxes. I wondered if she knew that some days, some days I get up and just go through the mom motions without even really finding much joy. It felt like drudgery.

How could she tell me I wasn’t failing?

Somehow in the mixed up media world we’ve got these thoughts of moms being perfect. Society doesn’t give us a break. I mean read this article in the New York Times about the pressure on moms to look a certain way after they give birth. And then? Then we’re to be ultra creative, crafty, humorous, happy, chipper, up before dawn, to sleep after dark, with our sinks shined, and the laundry folded, and tomorrow’s breakfast in the crockpot, with tomorrow’s dinner – pulled from our once-a-month cooking thawing in the fridge, while we work out for 20 minutes on odd days and 40 minutes on even days, and our hair is always done, we’re makeup ready, our fridges are stocked, and the craft closet bursting with ideas for that quick perfect afternoon art project that we’ll place on our recycled wood and mod podged adorned hand painted chalkboard.

And, in reality, it’s 8am and we’re just getting up. The baby was up all night, or the toddler sick, or honestly, we were just tired. We get our coffee and flip on facebook and our stream is flooded with stuff people have already done {I always tell myself — different time zones} and we’re racing to catch up with this never before except for the last hundred years perfect never feel like you’re failing mom ideal that is exhausting.

You know what my friend told me? She told me to slow down. Slow down? How in the world when I felt like I was failing was I to slow down? I had way way way too much to do and I needed to read that parenting book to work on my attitude and and and…and. And she told me enough. And that I was a good mom.

You know, you’re not failing.

You need to start to see all you do accomplish in a day. All the smiles of encouragement, meals made, clothes changed, books read, and more. Just like I wrote yesterday – we make mistakes {ten things moms need to remember} – we just need to learn from them. We’re out of breath, racing, and exhausted, but truly not failing. Failing means stopping. Not getting up, not trying, not giving. That’s not you.

I want you to stop telling yourself you’re failing. Instead I want you to replace it with I can do this.

You can do this.

Those soundtrack words and feeling about failing are just feelings. Don’t let them define you anymore. If you hear I’m failing replace it immediately with I can do this.

If you were across the table from me that is what I would tell you.

And, of course, I’d tell you  do one thing. I’m going to write and say it again and again and again. Write your list of things you want to do, need to do, and would love to do today with your family. And then, do one thing from each list. If you stumble, brush yourself off, and start again. Don’t worry that the neighbor across the street seems to be doing twenty or the pinterest pin tells you that the perfect home can be achieved in 6 Easy Steps. This is your life – and you – you are the perfect mother for those children. God knew when he blessed those kids to you.

Remember that.

You are a good mom. You matter. You are making a difference.

You can do this. One step, one day, at a time.

From me, one mom in the midst of motherhood, to you.

Article: Ten ways to build your child's self-esteem

Ten ways to build your child's self-esteem

by Sarah Henry 
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board

Nurturing your child's self-esteem may seem like a hefty responsibility. After all, a feeling of self-worth lays the foundation for your child's future as he sets out to try new things on his own.

"Self-esteem comes from having a sense of belonging, believing that we're capable, and knowing our contributions are valued and worthwhile," says family therapist Jane Nelsen, coauthor of the Positive Discipline series.

"As any parent knows, self-esteem is a fleeting experience," says Nelsen. "Sometimes we feel good about ourselves and sometimes we don't. What we are really trying to teach our kids are life skills like resiliency."

Your goal as a parent is to ensure that your child develops pride and self-respect – in himself and in his cultural roots – as well as faith in his ability to handle life's challenges (for a school-age child that may mean giving a dance performance for you).

Here are ten simple strategies to help boost your child's self-esteem:

Give unconditional love. A child's self-esteem flourishes with the kind of no-strings-attached devotion that says, "I love you, no matter who you are or what you do." Your child benefits the most when you accept her for who she is regardless of her strengths, difficulties, temperament, or abilities.

So, lavish her with love. Give her plenty of cuddles, kisses, and pats on the shoulder. And don't forget to tell her how much you love her.

When you do have to correct your child, make it clear that it's her behavior – not her – that's unacceptable. For instance, instead of saying, "You're so naughty! Why can't you be good?" say, "Please don't throw the ball in the house. A ball is an outside toy."

Pay attention. Carve out time to give your child your undivided attention. That does wonders for your child's feelings of self-worth because it sends the message that you think he's important and valuable.

It doesn't have to take a lot of time. It just means taking a moment to stop flipping through the mail if he's trying to talk with you or putting aside your smartphone long enough to answer a question.

Make eye contact so it's clear that you're really listening to what he's saying. When you're strapped for time, let your child know it without ignoring his needs. Say, "Tell me all about what happened at soccer practice. When you're finished, I need to make our dinner."

Teach limits. Establish a few reasonable, consistent rules for your child. For instance, if you tell her to wear her helmet when she rides her bike in the driveway, don't let her go without it at her friend's house. And if she breaks a rule, be sure she knows what the consequence is beforehand. ("If you don't wear your bike helmet, you don't get to ride your bike.")

Knowing that certain family rules are set in stone helps her feel more secure. She'll start to live by your expectations soon enough. Just be clear and consistent and show her that you trust her and expect her to do the right thing.

Support healthy risks. Encourage your child to explore something new, such as trying a different food, making a new friend, or riding a skateboard. Activities that promote cooperation rather than competition, like mentoring programs or volunteering, are especially helpful in building self-esteem. Though there's always the possibility of failure, without risk there's little opportunity for success.

So let your child safely experiment, and resist the urge to intervene. For instance, try not to "rescue" him the minute he's showing mild frustration at figuring out how to read a tricky word. Jumping in to say, "I'll do it" can foster dependence and diminish your child's confidence. You'll build his self-esteem by balancing your need to protect him with his need to tackle new tasks.

Let mistakes happen. The flip side, of course, of having choices and taking risks is that sometimes your child is bound to make mistakes. These are valuable lessons for your child's confidence.

So if your child misses the school bus because she was dawdling in his bedroom, encourage her to think about what she might do differently next time. That way her self-esteem won't sag and she'll understand that it's okay to make mistakes sometimes.

When you goof up yourself, admit it, says Daniel Meier, assistant professor of elementary education at San Francisco State University. Acknowledging and recovering from your mistakes sends a powerful message to your child – it makes it easier for your child to accept his own difficulties.

Celebrate the positive. Everyone responds well to encouragement, so make an effort to acknowledge the good things your child does every day within his earshot. For instance, tell his dad, "Peter did all his chores today without prompting." He'll get to bask in the glow of your praise and his dad's heartening response.

And be specific. Instead of saying "Good job," say, "Thank you for setting the table for dinner." This will enhance his sense of accomplishment and self-worth and let him know exactly what he did right.

Listen well. If your child needs to talk, stop and listen to what she has to say. She needs to know that her thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions matter.

Help her get comfortable with her emotions by labeling them. Say, "I understand you're sad because you can't go to the sleepover." By accepting her emotions without judgment, you validate her feelings and show that you value what she has to say.

If you share your own feelings ("I'm worried about Grandma. She's very sick."), she'll gain confidence in expressing his own.

Resist comparisons. Comments such as "Why can't you be more like your brother?" or "Why can't you be nice like Evan?" just remind your child of where he struggles in a way that fosters shame, envy, and competition. Even positive comparisons, such as "You're the best player," are potentially damaging because a child can find it hard to live up to this image.

If you let your child know that you appreciate him for the unique individual he is, he'll be more likely to value himself too.

Offer empathy and redirect inaccurate beliefs. If your child compares himself unfavorably to his siblings or peers ("Why can't I throw a football like Nicholas?"), show him empathy and then emphasize one of his strengths. For instance, say, "You're right. Nicholas is good at throwing a football. And you're a fast runner." And if he goes into a tailspin of negativity and self-doubt ("I can't do math. I'm a bad student."), help him see things in a more realistic light. Say something like, "You are a good student, you just have trouble with math. Let's work on it together and see if we can figure it out."

This can help your child learn that we all have strengths and weaknesses, and that he doesn't have to be perfect to feel good about himself. But if you're concerned that something deeper may be at play, ask your child more detailed questions about school, friends, and how he views himself. You might decide it's best to talk to a counselor or mental health specialist.

Provide encouragement. Every child needs the kind of support from loved ones that signals, "I believe in you. I see your effort. Keep going!" Encouragement means acknowledging progress – not just rewarding achievement. So if your child is struggling with a math problem, say: "You're trying very hard and you almost have it!" instead of "Not like that. Let me do it."

There's a difference between praise and encouragement. One rewards the task while the other rewards the person ("You did it!" rather than "I'm proud of you!").

Praise can make a child feel that she's only "good" if she does something perfectly. Encouragement, on the other hand, acknowledges the effort. "Tell me about the game. I saw you really hustling out there" is more helpful than saying, "You're the best player on the team."

Too much praise can sap self-esteem because it can create pressure to perform and set up a continual need for approval from others. Give your child the message that the effort – and seeing something through to the end – is what's important.

So dole out the praise judiciously and offer encouragement liberally. That will help your child grow up to feel good about herself.

Article: Why kids lie, and 7 ways to get them to tell the truth

http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2011/04/19/6492349-why-kids-lie-and-7-ways-to-get-them-to-tell-the-truth

Article: Three Tools & Perspectives for Positive Parenting

http://www.toddlerapproved.com/2012/04/three-tools-perspectives-for-positive.html

Article: How to Structure Your Days to Really be the Parent You Want to Be

Fantastic advice about parenting and routine: "The Way of the Peaceful Parent" Click HERE

Article: New Research: The Nicer the Mom, the Smarter the Kid

New research shows that kids With patient moms have larger hippocampus (area of the brain). But what is a mom to do if the kids constantly fight and whine? Child expert gives ideas on keeping your cool:

http://mommywithselectivememory.blogspot.com/2012/03/new-resarch-nicer-mom-smarter-kid.html

Article: 5 Tips to Boost Your Child’s Learning Skills While Shopping

Article: Three Keys to Successful School Transitions

Article: 10 Phrases to Make a Better Parent

Article: Common Discipline Mistakes

Article: Peaceful Parenting Tips for the Growing Child

From a wonderful resource, theattachedfamily.com "Connecting with our children for a more compassionate world"

Article: "Television is Relaxing"

This article gives an interesting perspective on screen time for preschoolers.

Cooking With Your Kids Helps Develop Motor Skills for Preschoolers

Article: Talking To Toddlers

What should a child know?

Article: Why Preschool Shouldn't Be Like School